Dolly Update: I pushed her too hard

*update 3/29* My husband and I visited Dolly today and Dolly didn't avoid me as I was expecting. She was fine. So I did end up line driving her again, and teaching my husband how to do it. Only at the very end did the kid come outside. He didn't have his bb-gun, so I didn't get to attempt laying down any new rules (yet). */end update*

I went to see Dolly yesterday afternoon (I start to say "today" later in this post, because it's actually the middle of the night right now). It turned lovely out -- half cloudy and half sunny. Dolly was great at first. The young boy was there again -- he comes out every time I'm there now. I thought it was great at first, because I viewed it as a great opportunity for Dolly to get used to more new things. There was one small hitch, however, and I'm rather embarrassed to even admit it. In hindsight, there are so many things I could have done differently. But I'm learning.

You see, I have no experience with children. None whatsoever. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. My natural state of being is extremely passive. I've gained tremendous amounts of assertiveness skills through training my dog, Dolly, and interactions with my husband, but I'm still a total blank with children. (I've actually had some terrible experiences in the past when unable to set boundaries with young people.)

In this case, it was the bb-gun that needed controlling. It took me several hours to gradually escalate in my own assertiveness. I know what I did wrong in hindsight, and what I could have done differently. NEXT TIME I'm there, I'm going to face it head on. I'll set a new rule right away. Absolutely no bb-guns outside of his grandma's house whatsoever when I have Dolly outside of her pen. Period. I'm going to try to enforce this without asking his grandma to intervene, because I want to do it myself. I want to prove to myself that I can set a rule with a child. I feel that I NEED to do this, for myself.

At first, the kid was shooting the bb-gun at a fairly close mud puddle. It made Dolly nervous, but I judged that it was within tolerable levels. She was tense at times, but would also relax. The boy also put the gun down for a while and came over to pet Dolly and feed her a handful of hay. I put the harness and stuff on Dolly.

Meanwhile, I'm struggling the whole time to control the kid/bb-gun. He's in 2nd grade. I tell him in gradually stronger ways that he can't shoot the bb-gun within earshot of Dolly. I tell him he can go down to the end of THAT driveway over there and shoot it. He says he won't shoot it. He tries 800 different ways to get around that -- for example, he dumps out all the bb's, thinking the gun won't make sound then. Wrong. And a dozen, "Can you hear me now?" Ugh. My bad. Dolly was getting anxious. The kid puts the gun away for a little bit. I work with Dolly and she's calmer again. She's focusing on me, and is line driving GREAT. I actually try to sit in the sled, since it's right next to me and she's already used to pulling me. But there wasn't any snow right there, just grass, and I was too heavy at that moment. So I had the boy sit in the sled, and Dolly pulled him wonderfully. I'd already told the boy to jump out at the first sign of Dolly acting weird, and to run away from Dolly as fast as he can. When we approached the evil snow drift, Dolly started to walk sideways, and the boy jumped ship immediately and ran. It was great. I was able to work Dolly through it and get her turned back around so we could keep working. She really did wonderfully. I was able to work with her a little bit more and I was AMAZED by how well she was turning, stopping, and even backing with the driving lines. It was the first time she's REALLY listened to me through the lines.

I let her circle me a little bit, as if I were lounging her. I couldn't figure out why she was trying to go faster and faster, though. I asked her to walk and she slowed a little bit but wouldn't walk. She slipped because the grass was wet underneath. She slipped a second time and fell over. She stood back up and blinked. I made her walk forward so that she wouldn't associate the harness or something with the fall. She was fine (thank goodness!!!). I walked her in both directions. Finally I figured out why she was so anxious -- the boy was shooting the gun again. I was finally able to ask him to stop at this point, because I had a little anger, and that sometimes helps the impossible become possible. He did stop at that point.

I then made her do some s-curves all around the yard. She was still feeling extremely insecure. I directed her back to where I make her stand for brushing and hoof picking and stuff, thinking that was a 'safe' place for her. Well apparently it isn't anymore -- she treated that particular spot the same way she treats the evil snowdrift. After a while of turning her this way and that, and seeing how insecure she was, I finally called it quits when she took just a couple of steps in the direction of that spot, and lead her the rest of the way there (about 10 feet). She was afraid of that spot because it obscured her vision of the kid, it seemed. So I took everything off her, gave her the vitamins that she loves, pet her and told her she was wonderful, but then put her away quickly because I felt that I was not going to be able to undo her insecurity at that time. She trotted to Athena and basically used Athena as an equine shield from the scary kid. Ugh. I did damage today. I hope I can undo it next time I'm there. I won't do anything unusual next time - I'll probably just pet her and feed her the yummy vitamins and brush her, practice some lateral flexions, and then put her back in her pen.

On the bright side, I asked of Dolly a lot today, and she did really well. Tension was high at times, and she didn't give up or shut down. But I failed to foster her confidence, and undid the confidence she'd gained in the new experiences. [Once her confidence in me is back up, I'm going to see if I can borrow the bb-gun to desensitize her to it in the proper way.]

Are my posts too long?